was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fill condoms, not promises.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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