Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
