I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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