I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
