i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
