we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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