I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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