there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm always down for nudity.
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