I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
