I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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