I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Welp...herpes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
