After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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