I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
