Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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