ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
