Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
