Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
