You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
