Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
