I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize