you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
