ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
