Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
