Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to make out with him forever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize