when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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