I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize