She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
