his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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