It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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