can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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