You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
