i don't like sucking hair
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
