Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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