I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i drank out of a bidet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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