currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
