i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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