I think my vagina is haunted
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize