he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
