You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
