everyone is single if you try hard enough
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
