Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
