So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
