i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
