So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
