there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
