I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
