I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
