Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
