new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize