Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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