i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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