can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
