oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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