I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
