I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
