I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
