I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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