There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
