So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
