Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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