Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
