uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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