so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize