I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
