it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
