i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
