im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
