I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
