We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
