I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
